I wish we didn't, but we tend to eat out.  A lot.  

You know how it goes.  Get done with work, jump in the car and go fetch groceries. Groceries bagged and loaded, look at the time and crap, it's six-thirty!  MAJOR DECISION TIME.  There's no way we can go home and prepare dinner before Roy has to go to bed. Well, I guess we'd better grab something to eat while we're out.   And that's a scenario the LaFountain family is faced with often.

When we eat out, we have a few special places we like to go.  And, we try very hard to be good customers.  As a matter of fact, we think we're just the bomb as customers.  But, that's our opinion.  Hmmmmm.  I wonder what our server thinks?  Geez.  Do you think they think we're really jerks?  Are we not the young adorables we think?  This just may be a place for some introspective thought.

If you've ever wondered whether your waiter or waitress secretly hates you, the answer is . . . probably.  Here's why:

1.  Stacking plates.  You might THINK you're helping, but it actually makes it harder for them.  They have their own way of balancing stuff, so just let them handle it. (YIKES.  We're like SO guilty of doing that.  We think we're being "helpful!")

2.  Letting your kids misbehave.  Waiters hate it when you sit there and enjoy your meal while your kids freak out and make a mess on the floor.  It's even worse when you seat your kids at a separate table and expect the waitress to watch them.  (We're pretty good about this one.  Kids that act up (ours included) give me a headache.  I don't want a headache)

3.  Making a mess.  Don't rip up your cocktail napkin or straw wrapper into little pieces.  It's immature, and it annoys your server.  (Dining with a five-year-old is NEVER a tidy process.  We draw pictures on the back of the place mat and usually burn through about twenty napkins.  We'll try harder)

4.  Talking on your phone.  Hostesses can't stand it when you walk into a restaurant talking on your cell phone.  And it drives your waiter crazy because they don't know when to interrupt or if the call is important.  (I'd like to think we've never been guilty of this sin, but we have ALL sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of our server/host/hostess.)

5.  Leaving your cell out on the table.  It makes them nervous that they'll spill something on it.  Just put it away. (Guilty as charged, your Honor.  We confess that we have, on more than one occasion, pacified a child with a well timed episode of Octonauts or Doc McStuffins for a little peace and quiet before dinner is served)

6.  Walking in right before closing.  If you go in five to ten minutes before a restaurant closes, all the workers will have to stay until you leave.  That's really annoying.  Especially if you're the only table there.  (Considering your writer needs to be in bed by eight o'clock, we RARELY are coming into a eatery anywhere near closing time)

7.  Leaving a bad tip.  First off, don't leave anything besides money.  Apparently, some people like to leave religious literature instead of cash.  And if you pay with a coupon, tip on the full amount of the bill BEFORE the discount. (The only RELIGIOUS stuff that we would leave at a table would be ourselves.  We always hope that our conduct and manner speak more of who we are than any pamphlet that we could ever leave)

8.  Lying about allergies.  If you don't like something and don't want it on your plate, don't lie and claim it's because of an allergy.  That becomes a HUGE deal for the chef and the people in the kitchen.  And your waitress suspects that you're lying.  (Maybe I'm missing the point here, but this one confuses me.  If you KNOW you are allergic to something, JUST DON'T ORDER IT!  For example; you will NEVER see me ever having to send back a piece of chocolate cake, BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER ORDER IT)