It's Tax Day and you STILL haven't filed your taxes?  Me either.  I didn't think there was any reason to bust a hump this year.  We knew early on that we were probably going to have render unto Caesar a little extra coinage.  And you're never in a hurry to do that, right?.  And while it's not a Fort Knox amount, in our family budget any little bit of my money we can hang on to, we do.  So you and I will both identify with at least one of the Top Reasons You Haven't Finished Your Taxes.

--It takes a long time to download TurboTax to a Commodore 64.

--H&R Block refuses to let you in because of its stupid "No Pants, No Service" rule.  (There was an incident a long time ago...)

--You won't know if you have any dependents until your sister-in-law's paternity test comes in.  (Let's HOPE that's not YOUR reason!)

--You're not good with numbers.  Or words.  Okay, you're illiterate.  (I'm right there with you.)

--Prison will give your aspiring rap career much-needed street cred.  (You can never have enough career options these days.)

--You're pretty sure "filing your taxes on or before April 15th" is more of a friendly suggestion than a rigid mandate.  (I'll take their suggestion under advisement.)

--You've spent the past three days passed out in the middle of the desert, after taking some bad molly at Coachella.  (First, you have to know what molly and Coachella are.)

--Every time you open your laptop, you're immediately sucked into an endless vortex of cat videos and Buzzfeed lists.  (Cat videos ARE pretty awesome.)

--You haven't finished counting your porcelain angel statues in order to give an accurate number of dependents.  (Well, to you they ARE like family, right?)

--You're still trying to calculate 20% of zero.  (Math is NOT your friend.)

--We're all just going to be Russian by the end of the month anyway, right?  (Da!)

--You're trying to convince your roommate to get married so you can file as a couple.  (You'll GROW to love each other.   It's cool.)

--You're too busy assembling a militia to take over the federal government.  (Shhhhh)

--Ironically, you find doing your return is too TAXING!  (I'm worn out even writing THIS.)

See y'all at the Post Office tonight.