The Top Reasons You Shouldn’t go to the Gym
As most of you have figured out by now, I LOVE going to Rock Solid Wellness Studio and working out. I've never felt better on a day to day basis, had more energy and flexibility, or (if you'll pardon my saying so) looked more fit! However, to be fair, I understand that not everyone shares my enthusiasm for health and wellness. So, in the interest of offering "equal time" to opposing viewpoints, I should now like to present a number of good Reasons You Shouldn't go to the Gym.**(with apologies to Tonya)
--Your couch already has the imprint of your butt on it. The gym's stationary bike does not.
--No Twix in the snack machines.
--That's money you could be spending on Precious Moments figurines.
--You vowed to start working out once Leno was gone for good . . . and there's just no proof yet.
--Now that there's universal health care, who needs it?
--You're already dangerously close to being irresistible to the opposite sex.
--You haven't seen your feet in 15 years, so you're kind of scared to.
--It's membership card isn't nearly as good at slicing cocaine as your Amex. (Sorry)
--Sure, a lot of gyms CLAIM they have all the hottest group exercises. But good luck finding a Jazzercise class!
--There's just something wrong with a bunch of people claiming they're focused on getting in shape, yet fighting over the closest parking spot so they don't have to walk an extra five feet to the front door of the place they're working out.
--If you wanted to touch things covered in other peoples' sweat, you'd go to Walmart.
--You always end up in a nasty brawl with Steve Holm over the five pounders.
--That one dude who's always naked in the locker room keeps asking you for a hug.
Why pay someone to yell at you for being fat and lazy when you're already married?
--If you save the money you spend on a gym membership . . . you can then buy yourself a grande mocha Frappuccino at Starbucks.
--That's just one more hour spent away from Cinnabon.