You thought I was going to start preaching a message, didn't you?

No, I just wanted to share that in my opinion,  the very best stories, the funniest stories that we share on the Morning Show come right out of today's headlines.  The ones that are so weird, that you just can't make them up.  Things done by real people.  And so, verily, I say unto you, did this crazy scene, Daddy-O!

Argument About Hog Stomachs Leads To Scissor Stabbing

A Greenwood, South Carolina, woman has been arrested for stabbing a coworker in the neck with scissors because she believed that alleged victim had thrown a hog stomach at her. Officers say the altercation took place at Carolina Pride Sunday morning. Two employees were working in the plant’s “kill room” when 19-year-old Johnnette Brown accused her co-worker of throwing a hog stomach at her. The argument escalated and police say Brown used a pair of scissors to stab the victim in the neck. A third employee in the room verified the account of what happened. Police arrested Brown on multiple charges, including attempted murder and possession of a weapon during the commission of a violent crime.

Then there's this one that IS NOT FUNNY.  OOOOOOOHHHH.  It's like SOOOO not funny.  Gentlemen, a caution; you may wish to scroll down to avoid this one.

Farm Worker Awarded $4M After Accident Left Him With Skinned Genitals

An Alabama jury has decided a farm owner should pay a former worker $4 million in damages for an on-the-job accident that left the man with skinned genitals. Gerald Lymon was holding onto the boom of a post hole digger that was being driven by another man during a project in August 2010. When the drill bit hit a hard piece of ground, Lymon lost his footing and his pants got tangled in the rotating drill. The machine’s force pulled at his clothes until his genitals became entangled and his skin was ripped off. Lymon’s attorney said the men were not operating the machinery properly and Lymon should not have had to hold it steady. Jurors said the farm owner failed to provide a safe workplace.

I wasn't lying, was I.  I have a stomach ache.  Heavens, I shouldn't leave you with such an unpleasant image now, should I?  That just wouldn't be cricket.  Then to help cleanse your palate, as it were, please chuckle with the following.

Worst Police Sketch Ever?

And to conclude, I should like to help you in your time wasting needs.  The following contains no socially redeeming value, no useable information, nothing.  Just a time waster.

Two Coke Cans Getting Slowly Devoured by Lava

Have a Ginger Peachy Weekend.