Woman Refuses to Take Boyfriend’s Family’s Tradition Test to See If She’s ‘Good Enough’
A woman on Reddit was offended after her boyfriend's family insisted she take a "test" to prove she's "good enough" for him.
The woman and her boyfriend have been dating for three years. Though she has met his family before, they don't see each other often as they live in another country. Their relationship had been good --- until they visited his family recently.
"We have been looking up houses to move in together and engagement rings. While we were having dinner, we mentioned this to his family as it's a big step in our relationship for us. His parents and brothers expressed their happiness for us then out of nowhere his youngest SIL asked 'So is she going to take the test?' I asked 'What test?'" she wrote via Reddit.
That's when she learned her boyfriend's family has a "tradition" where his mother tests future daughters-in-law to see if they are "good enough for her sons."
"Apparently, his mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc. Basically life skills most people learn from childhood," she explained.
"I found it ridiculous because 1. If I'm good enough for my boyfriend, he should be the one deciding it, and 2. I don't fit in their targeted category. In his mom's words, you can't be a good stay-at-home-wife and stay-at-home-mom if you can't be a good homemaker, and she wants to make sure of that," the woman continued, noting she has no intention of being a stay-at-home anything.
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"I am not quitting my career and did not under any circumstances make my boyfriend think I could compromise on that. I hate house chores and I would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores myself. I told my boyfriend's mom all this and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and in extension our visit," she shared.
Afterward, her boyfriend told her she should have "just done the test," as it's simply a "fun tradition" his family looks forward to.
In the comments, users rallied behind the woman and agreed the test is offensive.
"He thinks it a fun tradition for women marrying into the family to be judged on their 'skills' in traditional, old-fashioned gender conforming roles? Fine. Let HIM take a test. He can rotate the tires, change the oil and maybe rework the transmission on a car. Install a new muffler while he's at it. Then he can perform a series of tests of lifting heavy objects. How are his plumbing skills? He's gonna need to know how to fix a leaky faucet. Your father and brothers and male friends can judge him on his manliness and decide if he is prepared to be a 'proper' husband. He might also need to prove he makes enough money to support you when you have to stay home and perform all those 'wifely' duties. What an obnoxious family," one person wrote.
"I think it’s a huge red flag in the relationship that he is not defending you against his family, and leaving you hanging on this sexist bull. He’s failing the 'man' test right now, and doesn’t seem like husband material unless he can step up and keep his family in check immediately, and apologize to you for the whole debacle," another commented.
"Tradition is often a veil for misogyny ... so many 'traditions' are used to sideline women or are belittling to them ... this test is an anachronism. Time for this tradition to end," someone else chimed in.
