Vintage Sweet Wines That Adults Drank When They Were Teenagers

First off before I get into this article, I want to make it clear that I DO NOT CONDONE UNDERAGE DRINKING. The purpose of this article is for those adults who remember what is was like to be a teenager, sneaking around drinking inexpensive wines.
We were wrong, we did it, but let's move on...

Okay, for those of you who remember drinking wine when you were a teenager, raise your hand…

For those of you who didn’t raise your hand, you:
A: May be lying
B: Didn’t wanna raise your hand
C: Really didn’t drink
D: Thought raising your hand is a stupid thing to do since I can’t see you anyway.

If I were you, I woulda chose “D”.

But for the large number of you who at least silently admitted to yourself that you did drink wine when you were a teenager, this article is for you.

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There were a good selection of cheap wines to choose from, some going as low as 49 cents a bottle. So how did we acquire these long-necked glass jugs of illegal (for teens) fermented grapes?

Some kids resorted to stealing their wine – this was in the day when there were no alarms to go off if you were sneaking something out the door under your coat.

Here’s how we used to do it. Living in small-town Michigan, it wasn’t hard to find a field worker to get it for you during the summer. My buddies and I would drive a few miles out of town to a grimy old muck field. We turned down a slimy, one-track unpaved trail that took us deep back into the field, where there was this little shack with a stovepipe sticking out of the thatched roof. Inside this little shack was our wine connection, Gilbert.

Gilbert was in his 50s and didn’t drive, so we gave him the necessary cash and drove him into town. Stopping at the local small grocery, we waited in the car while Gilbert went in. Some time later, out he comes with exactly what we needed. We drove him back to his muck field shack, slipped him a buck, and off we went.

At least we found someone that was honest; if you asked someone in his/her 20s to do you this favor, they may take your money and split out the back door…it happened many times to friends of mine.

And, as being we were young, we didn’t touch those crappy adult wines; you know, the bitter ones like white dinner wine. Blech. Too bitter. Nah, we preferred the sweet stuff, because we still loved our bottle of pop and sweet wine was pretty close to it. The labels were colorful, the tastes were fruity…..and unbeknownst to us, wine makers were actually trying to snag the young market with these “soda pop” types of wine. And it sure worked. Still does, unfortunately. And it was cheap! Usually under a buck a bottle – perfect price for those under the age of 25 – and not expensive like those nasty ‘adult’ dinner wines that taste like you drank it out of a dirty sweat sock loaded with alum.

Michigan party stores are notorious for being loaded with oh-so-many different brands of sweet wines that tempted – all still tempt – the underage crowd. I tried to recall as many of the older wines as I could, so I hope I’ve done your memories justice. I couldn’t find some of the pictures I needed for the gallery below. One I couldn’t find was ‘South Pacific Pineapple Wine’. It was a pineapple-yellow wine that came in a glass bottle covered in yellow mesh. Not bad. I couldn’t find ‘Cherry Driver’ or ‘Orange Driver’ either.

Now, to reiterate - I am definitely NOT condoning underage drinking. This article is for those adults who can remember the wines listed in this article and the things we tried in our clumsy attempts to get this stuff.

Take a look at the gallery below and see if any of these bring back a pleasant (or stomach-turning) memory!