Michigan Auto Dealers (1910-1980) and Their Lingo

“You think you hate it now...but wait'll you drive it”.
Great line from the film National Lampoon's Vacation.

Jokes have been made regarding car salesmen since the beginning of the automobile. Anyone who has ever gone to a car dealer to buy a new or used car will find some of these old lines very familiar. Now, to be fair, today's auto dealers have taken a lesson from the mistakes made by the old obnoxious ones from the past – 50 or more years ago.

Now, just for fun - I'm sure you've heard some of these at one point or another:

“What do I have to do to put you in a car today?”
Just keep talking and you'll put me back in the one I came in.

“Hi, what can I help you look for today?”
The bathroom. I have to pee.

“Let me go back and talk to the manager.”
Okay. That'll give me time to duck outta here.

“Last person to drive it was a little old lady.”
Yeah, I see she drove the hell out of it, burned out the transmission, and left dentures on the front seat.

“Feel free to browse.”
How about if I go browse at the dealer down the street?

“How much do you want to spend?”
How bad do you want to see me walk out the door?

“Oh, the advertised one has been sold...but this one over here is a much better deal.”
Is it a Fisher-Price?

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“I really can't go less than $20,500 on this beauty.”
Oh...so you get a $20,000 commission?

“How do you like this baby?”
I don't.....and don't call me baby.

“You can always paint it another color.”
Sure.....but the guy down the street has the color I want.

“This deal expires today.”
So does my patience.

“Do you like tinkering with cars?”
DEFINITION: This car is a piece of junk.

“Is price important?”
DEFINITION: You probably can't afford it.

“Would you like to purchase an extended warranty?”
DEFINITION: “Would you like to throw away another thousand bucks?”

“Bad credit? No problem.”
Not for them...you're the one facing prosecution/penalties for non-payment.

The above one-liners are based on car salesmen humor, going back over 50 years, and not to be taken seriously. OK? Now, take a look at a photo gallery of some of Michigan's old auto dealers!