M-Is for the Many

I miss my mom.  Margaret LaFountain died in November 1991.  She died alone, and I will forever grieve that.

We weren't the Cleaver family growing up.  My father was starting his second family late in life, and my mother really was (and I say this with compassion and understanding) really clueless as to the raising of children.

Her mother, my grandmother, died when she was 6.  My mom went to live with an elderly aunt and uncle, who from all accounts, really saw her as a burden.  They ruled her life with an iron fist.  It was a cheerless life.  They fed her and they clothed her. Nurturing, teaching, guiding, leading or loving were not a part of their bouquet of behaviors.

Because my father was older and didn't have much need for socializing (beyond bowling) my mother was often alone.  Mostly isolated and friendless.  Probably sad and scared.  And now a first time parent.

I would call my dad a reluctant father.  Work and bowling were greater priorities than a second fatherhood.  I think with my birth (I'm the oldest) he kind of gave up.  I know he loved us, but really had no interest in raising us.

Ours was a life of "making it through."  Family functioning on the most basic level. Things like Mother's Day, Father's Day etcetera were not a big deal in our home.  I ache at all the years my mother (and for that matter my father) got nothing.  No recognition, no thanks, no card, no nothing.  Mom didn't learn it as a child.  She couldn't pass it on as a parent.  I've had to learn it as an adult.  I still have a difficult time at holidays.

But this all sounds a bit like whining, so I should get to the point.  Take the time.  Make the effort.  Do something, write something, say something nice for Mom.

You'll most likely miss her when she's gone, and you'll wish  you had the chance to go back and do things differently.

Trust me.